


Choices With Consequences

by cherrybxi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Loki (Marvel) Redemption, Multi, Other, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Will Add More Later, fuck the russos lmao, my canon now babey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-09-22 15:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrybxi/pseuds/cherrybxi
Summary: Fire. Agony. Death. Destruction. Asylum.None of these matter to mortals. It doesn’t matter how badly people have suffered, they will be turned away.Haven’t the Aesir suffered enough? What could the mortals possibly want to allow the people of Asgard to stay?Loki knows.If only he weren’t such a coward.





	1. Chapter 1

Flames.

Violent, scorching flames.

Engulfing all of Asgard with its obsidian smoke.

Gone.

Everything.

Incinerated.

How ironic for the death of Asgard to be its best chance of survival.

It would be funny if it weren’t so hauntingly traumatic.

Where would they go? Who could they turn to? Who could they trust?

Midgard. The Avengers. Nobody.

Loki could do nothing but watch. Watch as his childhood blew away into the abysmal darkness of space, never to be recovered again. Lost to the stars.

In a way, it was therapeutic. To receive a visual of what he had already experienced. How he wished he could enjoy the view. How Loki wished it didn’t hurt so.

He turned away.

Like he always did.

Like a coward.

He turned, and walked away, choking back a sob. The sob a child releases when they lose their parents in a crowd and wish to be found. Loki feels so small. Small and afraid, and all he wants is to be held.

All he wants is for his mother to hold him and tell him everything will be okay, that he’s safe. That no matter what happens, she’ll be there.

But she can’t.

He failed her.

He failed everyone.

Now he and the rest of Asgard must suffer the consequences.

Loki, Loki, Loki…

Whatever will your people do now?

… 

Isolation was lonely.

But perhaps that’s the point.

Isolation hurts.

But perhaps that’s why Loki craves it.

Isolation is familiar.

A seduction of sorts. It taunts, beckons, and embraces you like an old friend.

You feel safe for a while, but it only ends in pain. Most of Loki’s decisions end in pain.

Was he cursed? Or was he merely another victim of his parents’ failures manifesting into the form of an adult who never learned right from wrong?

It’s hard to tell.

All Loki knew was that he hurt. Himself. Family. Friends. Even strangers. He was a menace to his body and those of others.

That is why he craves isolation.

You can’t hurt if you’re alone.

“Brother?”

Familiarity. Compassion. Forgiveness.

That voice carries so many memories and emotions— it’s vocalization a tidal wave of love and affection. No matter how unworthy the receiver of that voice is.

His thundering footsteps inched ever closer to Loki’s crumpled up body.

Curled in a ball, like a child.

Tucked away into a dark corner, away from prying eyes.

But that man with his unwarranted care, his heavy steps, and his loving arms that search out damaged individuals to embrace and ignite life and warmth into. That man doesn’t allow isolation.

He condemns it.

Sees it for what it really is.

Self destruction.

A tool to further a man’s descent into madness.

He always was the smarter brother.

He knelt down besides Loki’s curled up body. Placed a cautious hand onto his shoulder and just waited. Waited for a reaction, to see if this type of attention was welcomed. To see if he would be attacked.

“How do you fare?”

It was a simple enough question. How does he fare?

How does he fare?

Loki is so unsure of himself.

Scared? Regretful? Depressed? All of the above?

He settled for no answer at all.

Why bother expending the energy on such a simple question when all he really wants is to fade away into the background. Forgotten.

He’s been forgotten before.

It was achingly painful, but oh so peaceful.

Thor was too empathetic to abandon his little brother, especially after Svartalfheim.

Never again.

He wasn’t letting go again.

So Thor laid down and wrapped himself around Loki like a blanket. He squeezed with a tremendous amount of strength. As if he were trying to hug the guilt and hatred out of Loki. And as they lie there, for just a moment it felt like it was working.

…

Midgard was vast. Space was vast too, but space was empty. Space was fear. Space was where optimism goes to die.

Midgard was vast, but it was full. Lively, green, brown, blue— every color you could imagine. You could walk and walk and walk and there would be more land. More ocean. More life. Midgard would have no trouble taking in more life. Why should it? Its resources plentiful, its landscape wide. The mortals should have no problem accommodating New Asgard.

But they did.

Norway’s SHIELD came and warned Thor that he couldn’t bring his people to this land. That they would have to go somewhere else.

But where else is there to go?

Asgard is nothing but rubble and ash, Svartalfheim a barren wasteland, Vanaheim was too small to accommodate so many refugees. It took New Asgard a year to arrive on Midgard, only to be turned away immediately.

Why?

Why do the mortals fear those who are different?

Why do they hate those who are in crisis?

Why?

So Thor asked for the Avengers.

Surely they could help.

But they couldn’t.

The Avengers were disbanded.

Their members currently arguing over political differences, and those who need them are suffering in their absence.

The Norns are truly cruel.

What will become of Loki’s people now?

Thor cried that night. He cried and cried and cried until he could cry no more. Abandoned. His friends, his brothers in arms, the very people he swore to protect, abandoned him in his time of need. He wasn’t angry. He never was.

He always was the dumber brother.

… 

It was night. The stars only a stain of their former glory. So few showed in Midgard’s sky. Funny, Loki remembered there being more.

He stared up into the night sky, thinking. He could help his people, but how? He knew he could. If he could hurt his people he could help them. Everything is a choice and Loki has decided that he wants to make better choices now. But how?

Does he pledge alliance to SHIELD? Regroup the Avengers? Drain his magic to cast a permanent illusion over New Asgard? Hide them from mortals’ eyes? Loki never was good at making good choices.

“You seem troubled, your majesty.”

A soft voice and even softer footfalls. Heimdall, the all seeing. Heimdall, the all forgiving.

“Perhaps I am.”

It’s been a while since he’s spoken. His voice feels raw, hoarse. Sounds far too loud. He regrets his decision to speak.

“Would you like to know what I think?”

It was phrased as a question, but it wasn’t. Not truly. Heimdall was kind like that. Neither Thor nor Loki deserved his loyalty or care, but that never stopped the darker man from bombarding them with it.

“I think you already know what you must do. I think you’re just scared of the outcome. You fear for your fate, you fear the consequences. You fear what you will have to sacrifice in order to save your people. And that’s okay. I also think you should talk to Thor. Ask for his insight. Stop isolating. It rots your brain, your majesty.”

Loki didn’t need to look to know of the smirk on Heimdall’s face. All seeing, all knowing, all too smart.

…

“I’m going to bargain with your Avengers.”

“Excuse me?”

It was out of the blue, abrupt, just at the last minute. New Asgard was rounding up to move on to the next destination. Loki was always good at dramatic timing.

“I said, I’m going to bargain… with the Avengers.” His chest felt tight, Heimdall was right. He did fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> id like to thank mitski for having such raw music that helped inspire the angsty gloominess for this fic
> 
> also fuck thorki lives don’t fucking read my shit, freaks


	2. Chapter 2

“What the fuck?”

Plates crashed. Ceramic.

So fragile.

Just like an ego.

Or sanity.

“What… the fuck!”

In times of crisis or shock, eloquence tends to leave even the most profound and well-spoken.

Loki feels as if he is overanalyzing everything in this situation, and perhaps he is.

A coping mechanism. An attempt to overflow the brain with information as to forget why exactly he is so anxious. Scared.

Red lights, blaring alarms, an alert.

There will be no easy out for Loki this time.

So he didn’t. Didn’t fight. Didn’t argue. He just stood patiently and waited.

There weren't as many as he remembered, yet so many new faces. Is this the new face of the Avengers? Diverse, he supposed.

A black man, the Man of Iron, Black Widow, a synthetic android, and a child.

The android had the Mind Stone.

What a grave mistake.

What a grave mistake both teams are making.

“Avengers… I have a propo--”

“Take him down.”

It appears they aren’t in a chatty mood. A shame. He doesn’t wish to fight. So he doesn’t.

Loki allows the Widow to take out his knees, allows her to manhandle his arms behind his back. Allows her to dominate him.

He surrenders. 

For the time being.

He needs this plan to work. He can't give them any reason to not trust him. As much as it hurts, as much as it shatters his fragile ego, he needs them.

…

Locked away in the green beast’s cage. How eerily fitting.

The new Avengers were clearly on edge, they didn’t trust his subjugation. They didn’t trust him.

For good reason.

He is what people would call unpredictable.

But his plan will never work if the Avengers won’t even stand in the same room as him.

He huffed angrily, he doesn’t want to jeopardize his chances of help by breaking out or shocking them again, but at this rate New Asgard is doomed.

He spoke to nobody in particular, but he knows that they are listening.

“I understand this may come as a shock, however…” He pauses, the physical pain it brings him to utter his next words is quite honestly pathetic, “I need your help.”

Men.

Women.

Both or neither.

Nobody likes to grovel to their enemies for help.

Tragically, some choices come with sacrifices.

He waited.

He waited for so long.

Please.

Please help.

… 

They never did come for him.

So, he gave up on waiting. Loki couldn’t play prisoner-and-guard when he had a civilization to save.

He also couldn’t return empty handed. He’s failed his people too many times, he refuses to add more failures to that list. A prince lives for his people. He cherishes them, cares for them, protects them. No matter the cost.

He knows that now.

… 

“No…”

Horror, remembrance, trauma.

All evident within his eyes.

Hurt, suffering, anger.

Adorned his sleeve.

It happened so fast. One moment standing tall and proud, the next he’s been thrown to the ground. Two calloused hands wrapped tightly around his throat.

It doesn’t hurt. The man isn’t strong enough to hurt Loki. He doesn’t fight it.

Allows his victim to lash out, to vent his anger and hatred, to feel in control.

Loki understands what it means to lose all autonomy, to feel powerless, to be someone’s servant or slave. A possession. 

He understands.

“You took everything from me, you bastard!” The archer ground out through gritted teeth. A vein was bulging from his forehead and he was red in the face.

Loki hurts everybody.

He hurt this man.

It was only fair that this man, Clint Barton, hurt Loki in return.

All choices have consequences.

The attempted strangling lasted for no longer than a few minutes.

Hawkeye was phoning in backup.

Loki just hoped this team would listen to him.

…

This half of the new Avengers was lead by the ever righteous Captain America himself.

For once, Loki was listened to.

“So, basically, you need the Avengers to team up again so we can speak on behalf of Asgard? That way you can live in Norway? And you’d be totally willing to be our prisoner after we help?” The Captain clearly didn’t buy it, but for once in Loki’s miserable life, he was telling the truth.

“I know you have zero reason to believe me, but it is the truth. If you want I could even bring Thor to attest to our predicament, but I beg of you…” He inhaled sharply, “at the very least, consider my proposition.”

If he were any weaker he would cry. But he’s grown, he’s matured, he doesn’t cry as easily as he once did.

Or he thought.

The tears threatened to spill, but Loki wouldn’t allow that. He wouldn’t cry for his enemies.

The Captain saw right through him, he saw the child that he really was.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled harshly, “I’ll consider it.”

The dam collapsed under the pressure and his tears spilled in waves. Cascading down his cheeks like overflowing rivers after a storm. He couldn’t help it. He felt so small, so pathetic, so relieved.

His knees buckled underneath him and he let gravity take him. By the Norns he was disgusting. Nothing but a pathetic child.

The Avengers watched in shock and for some disgust as Loki wept. Nobody daring to come near. He loved them for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof this one wasn’t as good imo BUT it’s not the worst i’ve done ;)


	3. Chapter 3

It was an hour after Loki’s tearful breakdown, he was seated, or stationed, in a makeshift cell.

It couldn’t hold him.

They all know it, but of course, he plays along.

The young god also learned that this half of the new Avengers is a secret. The Secret Avengers, they call themselves.

Creative, no?

His face hurt.

He had a headache and his cheeks were hot, among other post-crying symptoms.

But most of all, he felt foolish.

Loki has allowed himself to come undone in front of his enemies, he allowed them to see him at his weakest, his most vulnerable.

They spoke nothing of it.

How generous.

However, Loki did notice that the darling Captain seemed to have been more cautious around him. Not out a fear, but out of pity.

He hates him for it.

A knock.

He looks up with his sore, puffy eyes.

The Captain. Again.

Rogers checked on him periodically, maybe to see if he stayed put, or maybe because he felt bad.

Norns how Loki wished it wasn’t the latter.

“We need to talk.”

Haven’t they already? Well, perhaps Loki was a bit hysterical the first time around.

A refresher wouldn’t hurt.

The more clearly they understand, the easier it’ll be to convince them. Especially Rogers.

…

The Secret Avengers gathered around him, ready to hear his tales of woe.

Though, there was a distinct lack of a certain archer.

Ah.

Of course.

It would be foolish to expect Hawkeye to attend this meeting all things considered.

Yes.

This made him anxious.

So Loki explained.

Explained how his childhood was incinerated right before his eyes for the greater good. How more than half of his people had been slaughtered by his long lost sister. How they have nowhere to go.

Everything they have ever known, turned to ash.

Lost.

Afraid.

Abandoned.

He could see it in the Captain’s eyes, the story was stirring up something deep and repressed within him.

Though his face was impassive, his eyes spoke a thousand words. 

Anger. 

Sorrow. 

Sympathy. 

Indignation.

Rogers felt for his people.

That was good.

Loki might be able to pull this off.

If not by regrouping the Avengers, then however the Captain felt fit.

Was being vulnerable useful?

Could Loki use his feelings to his advantage?

It’s been so long since he’s let his walls down, he’s forgotten what it’s like to have people react to his pain.

It’s scary. It’s angering. It makes him want to curl up and disappear. Makes him homicidal.

But is it worth it?

Captain America seems moved by his story, feels this is something he should fight for. Feels he should help Loki.

This is all so confusing.

Loki doesn’t know how to feel.

Then the Captain spoke, “As much as I want to knock your lights out…” Understandable, “Your people— the Aesir? They shouldn’t be treated like that.”

So?

Rogers closed his eyes and sighed, “I think we should help.”

Chaos ensued.

Who knew that only five words could cause so much discourse.

Nobody seemed to be happy with the Captain’s decision, that wasn’t a good sign.

Though, Loki may not know much about Captain Steven Rogers, but he does know that he never backs down from what he believes in.

Possibly why he disbanded from the Avengers to create a new, secret one.

Loki has faith.

Faith that things will turn out in his favor.

Asgard’s favor.

Finally.

He did something right.

…

His assumption about the Captain was correct.

How he managed to convince his team to go along with him was beyond Loki.

That conversation took place away from his cell.

He was grateful for that.

Now all he had to do was take them to Norway, to New Asgard.

It doesn’t sound too hard, but Loki has never teleported with more than one or two people before. And those drain him so greatly that it would be inadvisable for him to do that more than once.

So.

Should he risk carrying all of the Secret Avengers in one trip, possibly killing himself or losing them within the World Tree? Or should he only take one or two a day, effectively wasting time and putting the abandoned teammates in a vulnerable position with less backup and no way to save them from ambush?

Decisions, decisions.

Loki was never good at those.

This whole situation was so stressful, he wanted to scream. To lash out. To hurt others.

To hurt himself.

But that’s over-dramatic.

Or is it?

His people’s whole livelihood rests on his shoulders, and who's to say that the Aesir are even still in Norway?

Maybe they left without him.

Maybe they abandoned him.

Maybe they allowed him to think he was being their savior, just to be rid of him.

Maybe.

“Are you okay?”

He whipped around, dagger at the ready. Aimed directing at his opponent’s throat.

But it wasn’t an attacker. He’s just skittish and paranoid.

After realising who he’s threatening, he tucks his weapon back within his seiðr pocket.

“Apologies, Captain. You startled me out of thought.” The apology was genuine, but he doubts Rogers will believe it.

“Apology accepted, and it’s Steve. We’re not on a battlefield, so, you know.”

He doesn’t know.

But he concedes regardless.

He never answers the Captain’s— Steve’s question, he doesn’t think he could do it in a rational manner.

“There are some complications I would like to discuss, Steven. If that’s alright?”

Steve raised his brow at him, a silent urge to Loki to continue with his thought.

“You see… I may not be able to carry you all to Norway— in fact, I know I won’t be able to. I’ve never traveled with so many people at once, and the consequences could be… deadly.” Though he was anxious, he managed to keep his voice steady.

Calm and collected.

Rebuilding walls.

He truly learns nothing.

“So, what? You’re saying there’s no way for us to even get to Norway? Then why even bother asking for our help if you knew that you wouldn’t be able to take us?” Steven’s voice had an edge to it, like he was trying to contain his frustration, but clearly he was failing.

The truth is, Loki hasn’t thought about it.

He was so preoccupied with trying to convince the Avengers to help him that he had forgotten to plan farther ahead than that.

“In all honesty, I didn’t expect to get this far.” He pressed his lips into a thin line, uncomfortable with the conversation.

The Captain sighed.

He does that a lot around Loki. He must frustrate Steve. Not shocking.

“Alright so— do you have anything else? Just— anything we can work with?”

Ah.

Exactly what he didn’t wish to bring up.

More disappointment.

“Well… I could take one or two of you at a time, but then I would have to recuperate for at least a full day and night cycle.”

He watched Steven’s face light up and then fall throughout his admission.

There are no good choices in this situation, but regardless a choice must be made. Unless, miraculously, a third option arises in time.

But life isn’t a novel, luck doesn’t always work like that.

The good Captain closed his eyes and took a deep breath, readying himself for what he was about to say next.

“Alright… let’s go two at a time.”

Not… what Loki had been expecting.

The Captain really was too trusting, or perhaps he was too devoted. Willing to take gargantuan risks for something he believes in.

It was admirable, but also incredibly stupid.

Just like how Loki was and is willing to risk his freedom and possible happiness to save his people, Steven is willing to risk his safety and possibly even his whereabouts all for a couple of refugees he knows little to nothing about.

They’re both fools.

…

So it was settled. Loki would first take Steven and his friend James, recuporate, and then return for Sam Wilson. The young witch and Hawkeye will go last, for Barton wishes to have backup ‘just in case.’

This was going to be a very taxing week. Loki hopes to the Norns that there will actually be a pay off for his struggles.

“What do we have to do? Hold hands, hug? Like, what’s the deal?”

This James fellow wasn’t afraid of Loki. He was never affected by the attack on New York, he’s suffered for years. Loki doesn’t faze him.

James doesn’t like him, but he isn’t afraid.

There’s a comfort in that. Knowing that he had a worthy adversary who wasn’t fueled by his own fear.

“The ‘deal’ is that we make physical contact— doesn’t matter what kind— and then you stay absolutely still. No matter what.”

Teleporting was dangerous, especially for those who have never done it before. They panic, lose contact, and are forever trapped somewhere within the World Tree. Never to be retrieved again. Quite tragic.

“If you lose contact with me there will be nothing I can do to save you. You’ll essentially be dead.”

He could see the shock within their eyes, but they need to fear. Fear will keep them alive. Loki needs them alive.

“Uh, fuck. Okay.”

James’ eyes has gone wide for a split second, then just like that they went back to normal. As if he hadn’t been stricken by Loki’s warning.

“Let’s get this over with already.” Steven stepped up and grabbed Loki’s arm.

Somebody is impatient.

Soon after James followed suit and grabbed hold of Loki’s other arm.

Alright.

Time to risk it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t believe i actually committed to this lmao i’m wildin


	4. Chapter 4

A warm tingle enveloped Loki’s body and presumably the soldiers’ as well. There was a soft, distant buzzing floating around their heads, repetitive and vaguely comforting. As soon as it all started, it ceased.

Now they were standing in a great open field, a few miles of pure nature. Grass, flowers, weeds, bugs and other field pests. Loki was never an outdoorsy person, he preferred to stay inside, but now he was forced to live outside. Lovely.

The vast greenery was crudely interrupted by a hideously large ship parked right in the middle of the field, surrounded by destitute women, children, and men. Once Gods, now reduced to nothing more than beggarly outcasts.

“There it is. New Asgard.” He paused, letting go of the soldiers and taking a few steps forward before turning back to them. “I’ll take you to my brother, the King. Come.”

They followed after closely, whether out of uncertainty of the new surroundings or simply due to their distrust of Loki. More likely the latter.

The trio didn’t make it very far before Thor had come into view. Marching along cheerily, arms spread out in an inviting manner. He had most likely been notified of their arrival by Heimdall, so it was no wonder he had seemed to expect them.

“Brother! You did it! I always trusted you.” A bold-faced lie.

He enveloped the Captain in a tight hug, leaving both James and Loki standing awkwardly. Soon after Steven was released Loki took his place. 

Hm. Embarrassing! 

He patted his brother’s back twice and let his arms drop to his sides, showing discomfort in the public display of affection. Generously, he was let go.

The smile on Thor’s face could rival the brightness and warmth of the sun. He was as radiant as he could possibly be, Loki felt a swell of pride bubble within. It felt oddly good to appease his brother. 

Hm. Gross!

James only allowed a firm forearm shake, but it was evident that Thor would have liked to also give him a hug. Loki rolled his eyes.

“Shall we conference?” The young prince wanted this to happen as fast possible, he wanted to do good by his people. The quicker that happened the better off everyone would be.

“Of course, brother! Come, friends! Let us speak in the ship, it will grant us some privacy.” Thor whipped around while gesturing for the group to follow him.

This had better work.

…

There weren’t many places to sit in the ship. In fact there was only one place to sit, not including the floor.

Speaking of the floor, that was precisely where they had situated themselves. Gathered around in a circle. The Valkyrie and Heimdall had joined the group as well. 

This was all very reminiscent of Loki’s childhood, sitting on the gold flooring of the palace, but instead of talking politics he had been practicing spells. Sometimes Skurge or Amora had joined him, Skurge couldn’t cast spells, but they enraptured him regardless.

Loki managed to repress a small smile forming his lips at the memory. No time for nostalgia, he had to be focused on the present.

“So… The Avengers need to regroup for this to have any genuine political influence. Problem is, if I see Stark I may make his head go spinnin’. We’re not exactly on good terms you know.”

Loki had never pegged Rogers to be the kind of man to hold a grudge, then again, he is a soldier.

“It’s this whole mess about what The Avengers stand for and I just can’t agree to disagree with him, Thor. He’s an abercrombie jackass, no way can I put up with that.”

Abercrombie? What year is this?

“Nobody is saying this has to be a permanent development! We can band together long enough to make our case, do all of the court… stuff…” Thor trails off, not actually knowing what this plan entails.

“And then after we get the ‘okay’ from the Norwegian government, we never have to see each other again.” He sounded, almost relieved by that.

Loki was under the assumption that The Avengers were Thor’s friends, perhaps that had changed during the five years Loki was impersonating Odin.

“It’s not that easy, Thor. This could take years, besides what if they try to make me sign the Accords. I can't do that, those papers go against everything I believe in.” Rogers was stern, yet apologetic.

As eager as he seemed to be earlier, Steven sure argues his excuses a lot. If he cares about saving people so dearly, why does he give so many excuses as to why he can’t?

They began talking over each other. Voices growing louder in an attempt to be heard and to silence the other. Heimdall was trying to keep peace, Valkyrie wisely kept out of it.

Loki however was having a horrid time. Too many voices were happening at once. They were too loud. Too loud. Too loud.

“Too loud!” He cried.

The young prince held his hands over his ears as his face scrunched up in pain. Too loud! Too loud!

He wanted the voices to stop.

Thor stopped, worry taking over his anger and frustration. Loki was being overstimulated, and he was partly to blame. He felt guilty.

Immediately taking the role of a proper big brother, he silently helped Loki out of the ship and into a quiet portion of the camp.

Leaving behind two confused soldiers, an equally confused Valkyrie, and Heimdall.

… 

Thor and Loki were alone in an open field, away from the chattering camp and yelling soldiers.

It took a while for Loki to regain his composure, but when he finally did he was embarrassed.

“I apologize for my behavior, I shouldn’t have made a scene.” His eyes were downcast and his fingers twiddled together nervously.

“You apologize? Loki, there is nothing for you to apologize for. I should be the one apologizing! I know how loud voices affect you and yet I ignored you in favor of joining a pointless argument.” Guilt was written all over his face, Thor clearly felt bad for his negligence to remember Loki’s sensory problems.

Yet Loki didn’t believe his guilt was necessary.

He sighed.

“Could I go rest? I’m suddenly very drained.” Partly true. He mostly just didn’t wish to face everybody after his meltdown.

“Of course. Come find me whenever you’re ready to rejoin the conversation.”

Loki hates this.

… 

Bucky was confused. Like, super confused.

“Uh, what just happened?” He pointed lazily over his shoulder, in the general direction Thor had rushed off with his brother.

“Beats me, Buck. Maybe he was feelin’ murder-y.”

They both chuckled, but were soon interrupted by a sharp ‘ahem.’

The soldiers turned to look at a displeased Heimdall.

“Loki displeases loud voices,” He arched an eyebrow disapprovingly, “and regardless of his past actions, he is still my prince and it is my duty to protect and defend the crown. I would recommend keeping your jests and jabs private.”

Steve and Bucky shared quick glances with each other, knowing there was something deeper to Loki’s outburst, yet still being kept in the dark about its nature.

Well…

Bucky was a spy, he could easily find out what’s up with Little Prince Cries A Lot. It’s tempting.

Very tempting…

Steven shot him another look, shutting down his plans. Or so he tried. Rogers was never very good at tellin’ people what they can and can’t do, no matter how hard he tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing to say for myself
> 
> EXCEPT FOR
> 
> loki has sensory issues? whaaaaat? who woulda thought that me, an author with sensory issues, would project that onto my fave character? unheard of
> 
> anyway sorry for the long wait! i’m the worst! lmao


	5. Chapter 5

Spying on Loki was much harder than Bucky originally thought. Not only was he out of practice, but the guy just kept wandering around collecting rocks.

Why did he need so many rocks?

He’s a witch right? A wizard? Maybe he’s making a potion… Or something.

After an hour of watching a space viking prince collect nothing but assorted rocks Bucky began to think this was just a trip for biscuits.

That is until…

Loki just straight up puts the rocks in his mouth one by one.

This has to be a joke. Loki is knows he’s being watched and is trying to mess with him. There’s no way he just willingly spent an hour collecting rocks to stuff them in his cheeks.

He really is nuts.

Bucky can’t stand by and just let this happen, that is so unsanitary.

“Hey, pal! What the hell are ya doin’?”

Loki jumped like a kid caught stealing from the cookie jar, except he was a grown man. Eating rocks.

He quickly spit the rocks from his mouth and tries to book it in the opposite direction Bucky was coming from.

“You ain’t gettin’ outta this one that easy, pal! Who just puts rocks in their mouth?” He shouted after him. The 21st Century is literally the weirdest thing to ever happen to him.

…

“So, how did your little ‘mission’ go?”

Bucky was red faced and his hair was unruly. He had to wrestle an Asgardian God for his own peace of mind. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“That big of a bust, huh?”

Steve finally looked his way and his eyes shot wide open.

“Whoa, what the hell happened to you?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

They didn’t talk about it.

… 

The next meeting was far more civil, Steve tried to raise his voice, but was quietly reminded that sensitive ears were present. For once he was forced to act like a grown up.

They had come to the conclusion that there were only two plausible options.

Reband The Avengers and spend a couple of years trying to fight for New Asgard’s right to exist on foreign land.

Or,

Use Loki as a peace treaty as a deal to grant the Asgardians asylum.

Nobody was very happy with either.

“I still think we can just like, cast a dingy magic trick that hides you guys.” Bucky turned to Loki, “That’s your thing, right? Magic? Cook up a spell and work those glitzy fingers!”

Loki glared at him. If only there weren’t so many witnesses… 

“Not feasible for the long run. He’s gonna get drained out eventually. Plus, just ‘cause they’re hidden doesn’t mean people can’t accidentally find them.”

Bucky finally conceded.

“Fair enough, but we should still keep it on the back burner.”

Loki wanted nothing more than to leave, and then he remembered, he did have to leave!

He shot up from his spot on the floor as realization dawned on him.

He forgot the other Avengers.

The next day had come by so quickly he almost didn’t even notice it. Now’s no time for excuses, he has superheroes to pick up from another country.

As soon as he jumped from his spot, he sprinted to the exit of the ship. Which was unnecessary seeing as he would be teleporting anyway.

Bucky stares after him as he runs away. ‘Man.’ He thought, ‘This guy’s a real cute crumb.’

… 

Sam stood around anxiously. He didn’t want to pace because that would stress him out more, but he feels stressed just waiting around too.

‘What is taking this guy so long?’

Loki should’ve showed up by now to whisk him away to Norway, but he wasn’t. Which was raising quite a few red flags.

‘He’s killed them. He killed Steve and James. Great. Fantastic. No he didn’t, Loki likes attention he would have killed them publicly.’

His thoughts were stressing him out even more. Why did he agree to this? Oh wait, he didn’t. He just tagged along because Steve gave him a stupid speech about justice and shit.

Sam swears if Steve isn’t dead he’s going to kill him himself for giving him so much anxiety.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a blinding flash of glittery light. Loki.

‘About time.’ He thought.

“I see you took your sweet time.” His confident nature told him to walk up to Loki, to not fear him. But then the rational part of his brain reminded him that Loki once tried to take over the entire planet with an alien army.

“My apologies, Falcon. I was caught up in a meeting of the minds, which, coincidentally, you will also be joining.”

Why did that sound so threatening?

Is he just paranoid, or is Loki going to kill him? One way to find out.

Oh great, he sounds like Steve.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Sam walked up and grabbed Loki’s bicep. As well as keeping a physical link between them so they can safely teleport it also made him feel a bit more in control of the situation.

All of this is so weird. Why can’t this planet just have normal bad guys like burglars or mob bosses. Not fucking this.

… 

Thor and the rest of the group, Bruce included now, were waiting in the open field for Loki to return with Sam Wilson.

They wanted to make sure he could get immediate closure for any worries for his friends’ safety.

Soon enough, Loki’s glittery flash bomb arrival graced their eyes.

“Does that guy have a dimming option on that thing? Christ.” Bucky shielded his eyes from the assault of light.

Loki truly was a drama king. Queen?

“Welcome, Falcon! Look, as you can see your friends are very alive and not at all dead! They are in fact breathing and not bleeding out from their wounds in a secluded area, gasping and begging for help!”

Loki glared at Thor, “What the fuck? Is your problem?”

The King smirked.

Brothers. What shitheads.

Steve walked up to Sam and gave him a one arm hug, “Glad to see ya, buddy. Why don’t we catch you up to speed?”

“Same goes to you, really glad to see you’re not dead.”

Both men chuckled as the Captain lead his friend to the ship, or now recently known as the conference room.

A loud shout sounded out and everybody whipped around.

Loki had stabbed Thor.

He’ll be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brothers, amiright?
> 
> also hope everybody appreciates the loki eating rocks bit as much as me bc GOD i think it’s funny


	6. Chapter 6

Once again, the traumatic tale of Loki’s (and his peoples’) life was retold. It never got easier, explaining or hearing what had happened. Loki had started tuning out whenever he wasn’t speaking; he couldn’t bear to listen for longer than was needed.

If he was getting strange looks from the others he was none the wiser. Blank eyes, blank mind. He’s cried enough these past few days, why embarrass himself further?

Loki felt a light tap on his shoulder, but it felt distant, like it wasn’t real. He ignored it. The tapping didn’t occur again until what felt like eons later, though realistically, it was most likely only a few seconds.

He wanted to snap the finger tapping him, it felt too persistent, too invasive. It was too much. Loki snapped out of his thoughts and whirled around to the tapper and glared him down.

Barnes was unphased. The rest of the group was still in conference, so they weren’t immediately aware of the two men’s interaction.

“Do you need some air? I could make up an excuse for you if you don’t want them to know what’s up.” His voice was soft and low, barely above a whisper and honey sweet. His eyes carried a kindness Loki swore he would never see from someone other than his mother and brother.

Barnes was worried, and though the act of somebody treating him respectfully had considerably warmed Loki’s chest, he refused to allow that warmth to show.

“I am fine.” He snapped, “Please so mind your business next time.”

He had intended for that to be the end of it, but Barnes had taken to the conference.

“Uh, not to break up the conversation, but I’m gonna take Loki outside. The guy’s gotta piss and I ain’t too keen on the idea of lettin’ him roam free like that.”

Crude.

The Captain and Thor exchanged a suspicious glance towards each other, but relented nonetheless. Loki and Barnes were dismissed, regardless of the fact Loki didn’t ask to be.

As they reached a spot behind the ship, Barnes turned to Loki with an apologetic smile.

“You don’t gotta lie, ya know. Death is heavy, if you need a breather you can always—“

“Once again, I would kindly ask that you mind your business. I was fine, I have always been fine during these discussions, and I always will be fine.” He was snapping— he really shouldn’t be.

Barnes was right, he did need to get fresh air, but he hated when people could see through him. How could he see through him so easily?

“Buddy, I have post-traumatic stress. I know what that spacey look in your eyes is.” He carefully reached a hand out to rest on Loki’s forearm. Loki tensed, but allowed the contact.

“I’ve seen it in others, I’ve seen it in myself. You can’t weasel your way outta this one.” He gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze to Loki’s arm before cutting the contact.

How starved for touch was he that the moment the other man’s warm hand left he was craving more? The sudden lack of pressure was leaving Loki feeling hollow.

“We can stay out here for as long as you need, and I ain’t about to hear no more ‘I’m fine’ nonsense.” Such a persistent man.

Loki wouldn’t smile. No he would not.

“Hey, I see those dimples comin’ in!” The soldier beamed with joy just from seeing the twitching of a smile being held back by the prince.

“C’mon, Lokes, let me see that smile!”

This man made it so hard for Loki to stay upset. What was it about him that was so determined to make everyone around him happy? Overcompensation? A con? What was his deal?

Needless to say, the prince’s wall cracked for a split second. But his smile was gone just as it had come. Barnes was happy all the same, though. Just that mere millisecond worth of a smile was enough to start his verbal-praise-vomit.

A spewage of “There we go’s” and “Such a pretty smile’s” pouring from his mouth. Loki wasn’t a child, he needn’t be coddled like one, but the praise made him… happy.

By the Norns, what is this man trying to do to him?

… 

The cycle continued. Loki brought Barton and the witch and then the conference commenced. James noticed when he wasn’t feeling well and would make up a lie to get them out. Loki would pretend to be angry while James tried to make him smile.

Even with all of the good (his secret moments with James) Loki still felt a cloud of dread settle over him with each passing day.

Why was this taking so long? They should have come up with a solution by now— unless… unless the ‘Secret’ Avengers were stalling. Waiting for the soldiers they ratted Loki out to to come and take him away. Would they have jeopardized their secret organization just to arrest Loki?

That. 

Was a foolish question in hindsight.

Of course they did— that was why James was buttering him up! He wanted to make sure Loki wouldn’t suspect anything, but Loki is no fool. He’s caught on to their little game and he won’t be the loser this round.

A chill took over the prince’s body. Where once milky white flesh had been was now taken over by an icy blue. Jagged white markings adorned his face and body, and a deep red bled into his eyes completely taking over any and all color within. 

The body of a monster. Sharp teeth, claw like nails, miniature horns barely protruding from his head— like a juvenile buck. Anyone within their right mind would be scared, any sane person would kill him on sight— but he won’t let them get the chance. 

Prince Loki, of Asgard and Jotunheim, will not allow these mortals to—

“Oh shit, you turn blue?”

—defeat him.

“Hey, Stevie! Did you know Loki could turn blue? Why am I always the last to find this type of shit out!” James turned his attention back towards the frost bitten Loki.

“I’m not gonna lie, this? Works for you. You should go blue more often, really brings out the red in your eyes.”

The Jotun prince snarled, “You dare make a mockery of me? I should kill you where you stand, you mewling—“

“Call me a ‘quim’ and I knock those pearly whites outta your mouth, okay pal?”

A crowd had gathered around them, on the defense— waiting for Loki to strike. He rapidly glanced around, everyone was watching. They would all get to watch as their Prince tore out the throat of the conniving mortal who dared to fool the God of Tricks. 

He shall show no mercy.

“What’s gotten into you? You’re acting all pissy—“ Loki lunged for the soldier’s throat.

James had just barely dodged. 

“What the fuck!” The soldier yelled.

Within an instant Loki was surrounded by the Secret Avengers and his own team. Fists, arrows, shields, lighting, and swords coming together in battle.

The witch cast a spell his way, he deflected it back to her. Being but an amateur she mistakenly deflected her own spell in the way of Thor. Effectively blinding him for a moment, long enough for Loki to swipe his feet from underneath him.

From his crouched position he was given an easy vantage point of the archer’s neck. He quickly lunged upward, but the Falcon grabbed him by the ankle and tossed him aside.

Now the Jotun was trapped between two soldiers of equal strength, he prepared a defensive stance as they both charged towards his person. The wind was knocked out of him as two 200 pound men collided into him from either side. His stance buckled and right as the two men were about to take a swinging punch, a shout roared out from the crowd.

“Enough!”

The voice was powerful and deep— it shook their cores. They turned to see who had called out to see Heimdall standing on the sidelines of the scuffle.

“Are you all incapable of talking? Of using your words instead of your fists? This was an easily avoided conflict, and yet none of you stopped to think of the consequences— there are children present!”

The group took one look around and noticed the fearful eyes of the children peering out from behind their guardians’ legs. A pang of guilt struck Loki harder than ever before.

Not only had he lost his temper and exposed the children of his broken kingdom to more violence, he also exposed them to his monstrous form.

Sure, all of Asgard was aware of Loki’s race by now, but that can’t erase eons of propaganda.

All these children knew were horror stories of the evil Frost Giants, told by parent and sibling alike, that would come into their rooms at night and steal them away if they so much as fussed about supper.

The heroic tales of Aesir warriors slaying the horrendous beasts of Jotunheim, successfully sabotaging the monsters’ plans to eat all of the Aesir boys and girls and rape the fair, innocent Aesir ladies.

Now there Loki was, their greatest nightmare, attacking their King and his allies.

His fault.

It’s his fault.

The fear in their eyes, the tears threatening to break free.

He did this.

“I… You don’t understand I—“

His people flinched as he moved towards them.

His fault.

He did this.

This is all his fault.

“I… I’m sorry…” His voice cracked. 

He couldn’t bear this.

It was always his fault.

He teleported.

…

Bucky was pissed. Pissed as hell! What was that asshole’s problem? Bucky had been nothing but kind to him— except for that rock thing, but he liked to pretend that never happened.

He offered him comfort, support, and lied for him— sure they were very inconsequential lies, but he still lied.

Bucky hadn’t stopped pacing since he got back to the ship. First, Loki attacks him, then he has the audacity to teleport away from the consequences of his actions? What a brat!

“Buck.” Steve said.

But he didn’t hear, he was too busy being pissed off. Seriously, what the hell?

“Buck.” He said a little sterner.

“What a dickhead! He has a lotta nerve coming to us for help with those crocodile tears and then trying to kill us— or at least do serious damage! Speaking of damage, what’s his? Huh? What kind of—“ He was ranting, loudly. Ranting and pacing, with the occasional arm flail.

Was he overreacting? No, Loki was an asshole.

“Buck!”

“What?!” The soldier snapped back.

His pacing stopped as he whirled around to face his friend. They were both glaring at each other, both annoyed at the other for snapping.

“I know you’re new to this whole Loki thing, but I’ve got experience. This ain’t new. From what Thor’s told us this is just what Loki does.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he explained, “He tricks people into trusting him and then he attacks. He’s unpredictable and down right crazy. No need to have a fit over it, we’ll just find him and lock him up.”

That. Did not sit well with Bucky.

Even though he was pissed as all hell, he still didn’t like the idea of immediately locking someone up who had unexpectedly snapped.

Now that he thought about it— isn’t that exactly how he used to be before he got help?

Steve didn’t want him locked up, but he sure seems eager to lock Loki up.

Are their situations so different? They barely know anything about Loki, but in Bucky’s opinion it would be pretty difficult to pretend to cry. To pretend to have a sensory overload— to pretend to dissociate… 

Something’s up with Loki, he just knows it.

He’s gotta find that son of a bitch before the others. He’s gotta talk to him about what had gone down earlier.

The soldier is considerably less pissed off now.

…

“I saw you coming.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t get less creepy the more you say it.”

He stopped a few steps away from the darker man. Heimdall was it? Ah, he had no clue with those Asgardian names.

“Since you saw me coming, I guess you already know what I’m gonna ask?” He crossed his arms.

Seriously, as nice as this guy was his power, or whatever, really gave him the heebie-jeebies.

“No, actually,” Heimdall turned around to face him, “I don’t have the power to read minds.”

Hm… 

“Oh— well I uh, wanted to know if you knew where Loki was— I’m uh—“ Why was he stuttering? Get it together Barnes, it’s not as embarrassing as you’re making it out to be!

“He’s found himself a little pond to relax by. Follow the frost, you’ll find him in no time.” Heimdall gave the other man a kind smile.

“You know it would be easier for me if you gave me like, a specific location.”

“It would also be a breach of privacy.”

Oh. Right. Morals.

“Uh… Right, okay. Follow the frost. Got it.”

And with that measly information, Bucky was off on a man-hunt. An alien-hunt? Blue-man-hunt? Whatever.

…

“‘Follow the frost!’ He said. ‘You’ll find him in no time!’ He said!” The amount of frost Bucky’s seen would qualify for a desert.

Yeah, no frost! Nowhere! He’s definitely on the wrong track. Maybe he should have asked which direction he should have taken…

Just as Bucky was about to give up and turn around that’s when he saw it. Frost! On the tree bark— oh hell yeah! Now he’s getting somewhere!

He continued like that for possibly an hour— meticulously checking every tree, bush, rock, and animal for any trace of frost.

The temperature started to drop the farther along he went; Loki was close. Or, a random cold-flash was scheduled for today. But he’s pretty sure it’s Loki.

He will get answers out of that brat if it’s the last thing he does! Though— if he says the wrong thing… it may actually be the last thing he does. Yikes. 

Keep your cool, Barnes.

“Hey, dickhead!”

Or don’t. No big deal.

Loki jumped at the sudden shout. He turned around warily, clearly anticipating the worst.

“So you’re just gonna attack me after how nice I’ve been to you— and then run away? Huh? Is that how this is gonna be played?” Remember how Bucky wasn’t as pissed at Loki? Yeah, consider that over with.

Loki had the right mind to actually look guilty. Good! He should feel guilty! That little greaseball—

“You better have a real good explanation, mister or I oughta—“ With the little memory he had, Bucky was certain he was sounding like his mother.

“I’m sorry…” It was such a small voice, Bucky wasn’t sure if he heard correctly.

Upon closer inspection, Loki’s eyes were puffy. He would call them red, but… it would be hard to tell.

His blue skin was flushed a soft purple, man. He really was upset with what he did.

Well… good! He should be upset! He caused a lot of harm.

“Come again? I don’t think I heard you right.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice quivered.

Jesus— he was really making this hard to stay mad at him. Alright. He’ll bite.

Bucky cautiously made his way towards the Frost Giant— Frost Runt? He crouched down to be eye level with Loki.

“Seriously, tell me what’s wrong. The other’s are super pissed, so your best bet is to be honest.”

The other man broke eye contact as he guiltily stared at the ground. He was seated on the grass cross legged, with his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. 

Why did he have to look so cute?

“I never had friends before.”

Oh… kay?

“I’m not certain what it means to have or to make friends— and with how long this whole debacle is taking I had thought…”

Oh? Oh! Oh… 

“I apologize I— I shouldn’t have lashed out. I’m trying to be better, but it seems I still have a long ways to go.”

His lips were quivering— oh no don’t cry again! Bucky hates it when he cries.

“Hey now.” He reached over and put a finger under Loki’s chin, gently tilting his face to look at him.

“I wasn’t any better when I was recovering— hell I’m still recovering. Healing is messy, it really is. You’re gonna fuck up from time to time, and the best thing you can do is apologize, learn, and make sure not to repeat those mistakes.” The soldier made sure to keep his voice level and calm, like a mother would to a frightened child.

“But I’m gonna need you to be honest with us. And I mean— scarily honest. The more we’re aware of, the easier it’ll be for us to forgive you. But from our perspective you’re just a crazy guy with one too many tricks up his sleeve. And I wanna help you, Loki, full truth.”

He could see the fear and suppression in the other’s eyes. He could tell he wanted to be honest, but he wasn’t ready.

“It’s okay if you can’t yet, I didn’t mean to rush you. Just… think about it, okay? Now,” he stood up, “let’s get back before the others start another war.”

…

Bucky made sure to take the long way back to camp, just in case the others were searching for them. He didn’t want to run the risk of another ‘fight first ask questions later’ scenario.

By the time the two reached camp the sun was low in the sky, casting a beautiful orange-red color over everything its light touched.

He couldn’t see his friends, alright, so he made the right decision taking the long way.

Sneaking Loki back to the ship will be another story though. There would be too many refugees to get passed— would they try to start anything? He was unsure, but didn’t want to risk it regardless.

“Dilemma?” Loki asked.

“Yeah— how the fuck are we gonna get to the ship without being noticed?”

“Invisibility spell?”

“Don’t say it so matter-of-factly, you pompous witch.”

“Not a witch.”

“Cast the spell, dollface.”

So he did, with a twinkle and a glitter they were now invisible. Or so he hoped— otherwise this would be really embarrassing.

They crossed through the camp and didn’t encounter any problems, so the spell worked, thank God. Crossing the threshold of the ship Loki dropped the spell.

There was nobody around.

“The others will be back soon.”

Bucky did not scream. No he did not.

“When the fuck did you get here?!” He yelled.

“I… was here the entire time.”

Heimdall made a beeline straight to Loki.

“You’re well now, my prince?”

“For now, yes. Thank you… for asking. You needn’t worry yourself.”

“I wasn’t worried.”

Bucky often forgets how close Thor and Loki actually are to Heimdall. They grew up together, and yet it doesn’t always feel like it when he watches their interactions. So formal.

“Uh, how fucked will we be when the others get back?” Bucky interjected.

“Wildly.”

As expected…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally don’t talk to me about my update schedule or “staying in character” fucka u i do what i want


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, Bucky was pacing frantically. They were screwed— so fucking screwed. How was he supposed to defend Loki while also keeping rabid Avengers at bay? He’s not cut out for this…

“James?” Loki inquired.

Bucky didn’t register his voice, though, he was too busy freaking out.

Loki tried a more direct approach by walking over and planting himself in front of the soldier.

When Bucky noticed the other he jumped— and maybe yelped, but that’s depending on who you ask. (If you ask Bucky, he didn’t)

Loki tenderly gripped Barnes’ shoulders, attempting to steady him and keep him in the moment— though he wasn’t sure how well it was working.

To Loki’s surprise, Bucky turned the shoulder grip into a tight hug. This was… odd… for Loki. He wasn’t used to being hugged. Normally the only person dumb enough to get this close to Loki was his brother. So this was… new.

Cautiously, he returned the hug.

“Um— I just wanted to say that, um, instead of pacing maybe we should come up with a plan?” He stayed in the hug, regardless of how awkward he felt, “For example, I could hide while you explain the situation? So to avoid confrontation.”

Bucky pushed Loki away, still keeping his hands on the other, “Oh my god that might actually work—“

Sooner than Loki would have liked— he was being shoved into a room within the ship. He would have preferred to have continued speaking with Barnes, but apparently that wasn’t in his agenda.

A little while later— about an hour or so— Thor and the Secret Avengers returned. Steve’s eyes landed on Bucky suspiciously.

“What’s going on? Why are you just standing there?” he walked over to his friend, cautiously glancing around, looking for something— someone.

“I’m not telling you guys anything until you listen to what I have to say,” Bucky backed away from the others, from Steve.

The group stared at him, some glaring and the others just plain confused. Shouldn’t Bucky want Loki to be punished? Why was he acting this way?

“Buck, stop protecting him,” Steve walked towards him again, but was once again twarted.

He groaned loudly, “Fuck it— fine! State your case.”

They were all glaring at each other now, waiting for someone to fuck up so they could pounce. Funny how one problem can divide their team so easily.

“Loki attacked us, yes, but he was doing it in self defense—“ Steve tried to interject, but Bucky spoke louder over him, “He thought we were lying to him— thought that we had alerted troops to take him out and that we were just biding our time.”

From the back of the group, Clint rolled his eyes, “So? That just excuses his literal murder attempt?”

He understands why Clint hates Loki so much, he understands the best out of everyone here— but that’s not what he said and Bucky Barnes does not like having words put in his words.

“Of course it doesn’t! But what it does do is put his actions in a new perspective,” he took a deep breath in before saying, “I know damn well that every single one of you has wrongfully lashed out because you were scared or misinformed— it happens!”

Nobody made eye contact with Bucky after that statement— knowing that he’s right, but being too embarrassed to admit it.

Bucky continued nonetheless, “Of course he should be punished— he tried to kill us after all— but he should be given a chance to right his wrongs and be better! Isn’t that you guys let me do?”

Now they were really embarrassed— especially the Captain. He had risked and tossed away everything for his friend. 

Now here he was with the audacity to punish somebody else for something he would have defended if it were Barnes.

“Well… what should we do then? Give him a slap on the wrist and call it a day?” Sam asked.

For the most part, Sam kept out of all this ‘Loki drama’. He knows little to nothing about the guy except that he’s killed hundreds and tried to kill his friends— twice. Thor and Bucky seem to trust the guy, but Sam’s starting to think it’s not just Thor with a biased eye.

“No— I— I don’t know how we should punish him, but I know we should.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at that, unimpressed.

“If I may interject—“

Once again, Bucky did not yelp.

If the energy in the ship was tense before now it could rival that of a— well, Bucky wasn’t really sure, but god was it tense.

Loki stood next to Bucky now, “Odin Allfather once threatened to sew my mouth shut—“

“Nope, no, not happening, can’t believe you even suggested that—“

“Please let me finish, Barnes— but my mother wouldn’t allow him, so instead he forced me to become the servant of those who I wronged,” he said this as though that were a normal punishment to give to somebody.

“How would you being our servant make up for that bullshit you pulled earlier?” Clint grumbled.

“I’m just ‘spitballing’ as they say.”

“Well it’s a terrible idea, full offense.”

Steve stomped his foot hard and loud against the metal flooring of the ship, demanding all attention on him.

“Clint’s right Loki, that idea was terrible,” all Loki could do in response was huff, “I also don’t think you should get a say in how we punish you.”

Loki looked at Bucky, confused. Clearly, their differing legal systems were screwing with his head.

“Maybe we should—“

This went on for a while, idea after idea— bad and mediocre, being tossed around by everyone within the ship. At one point Korg, who doesn’t even know what’s happening half of the time, joined in the argument. Giving the worst ideas humanly— or alienly— possible.

…

“So I guess we’re going with your idea,” Bucky said.

Him and Loki had retired to the grass field after Thor shot Steve with lightning— nothing fatal, just enough to give him a shock.

They were laid down on their backs looking up at the night sky. Not bothering from looking away from the stars as they spoke to each other.

“I guess so,” Loki responded.

They didn’t speak to each other for the rest of their stargazing. It wasn’t until the man-made noise from the camp finally died down that Bucky decided to get up.

He was bone tired and really needed to sleep, and as comfortable as his position was he didn’t really want to sleep out in the cold. With the bugs. In a foreign country. With someone he barely knew.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed now— are you coming?”

Loki didn’t move, he stayed planted on the grass. He was still, so still he may as well be—

“Asleep?” Bucky asked no one in particular.

Looking closer, he noticed that Loki was asleep— how long was he passed out like that? He looks so peaceful. Bucky would hate to wake him up, but it’s not exactly safe to sleep outside without a tent— ahh… Bucky isn’t sure what to do.

While fretting over whether or not to wake Loki up, someone had made their way over to his side.

“Trouble?”

It took everything within Bucky to not knock the lights out of his new companion.

“Jesus! Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on a guy with trauma?” he whispered, as to not awake his friend.

Thor gave him an amused look, “No, I can’t say she ever had.”

They both turned their attention to the sleeping god. Thor spoke up again, not breaking his attention from his brother, “Thank you. For sticking up for him. He’s an ass, but…” he trailed off, but Bucky knew where he was going.

“It’s nothing, bud. Would be a bit hypocritical for me to hate Loki for pulling the same shit I did,” he turned his attention to Thor, “And it’s not like he did anything permenant. Still got all my remaining limbs so—“ he shrugged.

Thor chuckled, “Yes, I did notice he was holding back!”

The soldier shushed him before he processed what was said. Holding back? Does that mean—

“Whoa, wait— are you telling me Loki is even stronger than that? Fucker tried to tear Clint’s throat out with his teeth!” 

Now he was the one being hushed.

From below them Loki stirred, but not enough to indicate that he was waking.

“Loki is stronger than he lets on. I don’t know why he holds back, but when we were children he was a force to be reckoned with,” Thor crouched down to his brother’s level, gently brushing some hair from his sleeping face.

“Perhaps he holds back because he fears commitment. Death is a commitment, and if he isn’t prepared to deal with the consequences of certain peoples’ deaths—“

Then he won’t go all out.

So— that could explain why he hasn’t tried to (genuinely) kill his brother and instead just resorts to beating the ever loving fuck out of him. Thor pisses him off and he’s clearly suffering from some sort of childhood trauma— but he isn’t totally committed to the idea of killing his brother. 

The only family he has left.

Bucky joined Thor on his level, staring at Loki’s sleeping face. He was… kind of beautiful. Well— he was very beautiful, but in an alien way.

There was just something slightly off about his features now that he was looking closer. Like he was wearing the face of a human but he only had a vague idea what a human looked like.

After finding out Loki is actually a blue guy with (baby) horns Bucky is almost certain Loki isn’t entirely certain how to make a human face. Maybe he should ask Thor? Or would that be rude? He should probably just ask Loki whenever he wakes up. Unless that’s also rude—

“He looks like a rat,” Thor tried to laugh quietly.

Bucky was shocked— not only was Thor completely incorrect Bucky also wasn’t expecting the guy to just say that about his little brother! Then again— Bucky called Steve all kinds of names growing up and they weren’t even related, but those were all to his face. Never behind his back!

Thor was still smirking at his brother. What was he—

“We should paint a dick on his face.”

Oh, so he’s that guy.

“I mean— you can paint him all you want, big guy, but I’m gonna go to bed.”

Was he a bad friend if he let Loki’s brother paint a dick on his face? Maybe, but it would be kind of funny to see that in the morning.

…

This punishment is so weird. The only ones excited to have Loki as a servant are Thor and Clint. They’re probably going to have Loki do weird shit like— eat dirt.

Everyone (the Avengers and Thor) got Loki for two hours each. So, starting from 7AM, Loki will be working for a consecutive twelve hours— yeesh.

Clint got him first (because he almost had his throat shredded), then Thor, then Wanda, then Sam got a turn, then Steve.

Bucky got him last, in the evening.

Even though he knows this is supposed to be a punishment, Bucky was considering giving Loki an easy final two hours. Bucky’s friends and Thor were definitely going to give Loki hell— he’ll be a good friend and let him relax.

This is still— such a weird punishment.

…

By the time Bucky got to see his new friend, Loki had already; given multiple foot massages, taught Wanda magic, been spat on by Clint, sparred with Steve, reenacted the entirety of Hamlet by himself— and plenty of other weird shit.

He looked mentally exhausted— physically he was fine— but he definitely had zero patience left. Now Bucky knew he had to give Loki a break.

“For my first, and only, order… you’re gonna take a nap with me,” he didn’t even let Loki try to question him before he grabbed the other’s hand and dragged him to their spot from the night before.

“Get comfy, dollface, ‘cause you’re not going anywhere until after you’ve had a nap.”

Even if he was allowing Loki to say no he has a strong feeling his friend would still go along with this.

“You’re gonna be so well rested when I’m done with you!” Bucky chuckled to himself.

Loki gave him a small, appreciative smile.

Yeah. Bucky’s a great friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m writing this fic for ME u guys can still read if u want tho but this is MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FANFIC


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